So there is this show in New Orleans. It’s known as the No Dead Artists show in the Big Easy. unfortunately I missed the deadline this year, but I plan on making a go of it next year. A couple of things have put the Big Easy on my brain, having missed this show and having had the great fortune to see not only Trombone Shorty (at least one of the top 2, if not number 1, musicians on my infinite list of musicians I love) but also Preservation Jazz Band, Galactic, and New Breed Brass Band all at the same venue in Cincinnati a month ago or so. One of the best shows I have ever seen, and that is saying a lot. Anyway those things have NOLA on my mind. So I will tell you the story of the last time I was in the Big Easy.
Let me set the stage… 1992, Mardi Gras. So as most of you are aware Mardi Gras happens in February. I’m in Kentucky in Feburary 1992, Lexington to be exact. It’s like a Wednesday and we are leaving early the next morning. Lo and behold the Gods of winter thought it would be funny if they threw an ice storm party that night. Ya real funny ya all, real damn funny! When we woke up in the morning there was no power and nearly an inch of ice covering everything. All our cars are frozen to the pavement, the caravan party of 12-15 of us stood outside looking at the ice like WTF watching the blue flashes from transformers exploding around the city… I just said “someone get the bourbon lets roll” Little ice wasn’t about to stop us from making our way to the fabled Marti Gras, Christ I was 22 and invincible… or at least nigh invulnerable. Myself, Pete, Lee and my not yet wife Jen hop in her Toyota Celica and start the slow trek out of Lexington. Of course I am the idiot stuck driving Jen’s little 5 speed. Even with growing up in Wyoming and experiencing some nasty, nasty, nasty winter weather, I am here to tell you ice is not your friend. White knuckle, sphincter puckering, slow as shit ride out-of-town. It was pretty nasty for about the first 2 hours then the ice lifted and we were treated to dry pavement and grey skies, thank you baby Jesus!
Things were uneventful till we got to Stinking Creek TN. There was an unavoidable pot hole in the interstate that had to have been at least 5-7 inches deep and 2 foot wide. I bet you’re wondering if I hit it… Your conclusion should be drawn from the word unavoidable. Blew the tire out, bent the rim, completely derailed our asses. After I regained control of the Celica, checked my pants for shit and pulled to the side of the road, I sat there in the driver’s seat at the side of the road, imagining Yoda on my shoulder quietly saying into my ear ” left you on the side of the road for dead, it did”. Pete and I being manly men got out of the car and prepared to replace the destroyed rim and tire with the spare. No worries right? This would be the part where if I had the wisdom that I have earned over my lifetime at that time, I would have thought twice about continuing the trip to NOLA. Two major YOU SHALL NOT PASS!! moments, but again I am 22 and nigh invulnerable, so no worries I got this. Anyway back to changing the tire. Got the jack out and put the tire iron on the lug and started to turn, SNAP! broken wheel stud. “its alright I say we can live with 4 till this trip is over” Put the tire iron on the second lug… wait for it, wait for it, SNAP! broke a second fucking stud. Well if anything I am tenacious, so a new solution was needed. I had Pete stay with the girls and I started walking toward the next exit to see what help I might find. This is where things start to get just a little strange. So this Black Lab and this Pomeranian show up out of nowhere as I near the exit after a 2 mile walk. They are chasing each other around and the Lab is trying his damnedest to mount the Pomeranian. The Pom is letting him for a minute then running away. That is when I notice they are both males, I laugh, look at them and say go for it boys… and just keep walking.
I find a run down more than slightly creepy gas station at the exit and am thinking, hmm this could get Texas Chainsaw massacreish. Whatever I’m a badass I got this. So I walk in and just to break the ice I say “hey you guys know that Lab and Pomeranian running around here! The gentleman behind the counter looks at me and says with a southern drawl “yea that there’s the strange couple.” Strange indeed I think to myself. Hmm I say, “is there an auto repair garage anywhere near here?” The gentleman proceeded to tell me of the local garage and gives me directions and an address. I ask if I could borrow his phone to call AAA for a tow. He was cool and let me use the stations phone. I proceed to call AAA and give them all the pertinent info. I quickly thank him and tell him to say hey to the strange couple for me as I walk out the door and back toward my broken machine. As I arrive back to the Celica I relate my tale to the rest of the crew and they get a good laugh at me. AAA finally arrives fairly quickly, the walk took up a good 1/2 hour so I had that going for me. I give them the address of where we want to go and the 4 of us pile into his truck after he hooks up the Celica. Pete and I each have a nice looking female on our laps as we pull into what apparently passes for a auto repair facility in the middle of nowhere Stinking Creek Tennesee. Its a barn, I shit you not. and in the middle of February, we walk into this slightly creepy barn and the first thing I notice is the 3 rather large Rottweiler’s staring at us like a meal. The second thing I quickly notice is that there is no heat except what is coming from the wood stove in the corner where all the dogs are now standing looking at us like a meal. My thoughts… You got to be fucking kidding me…
I proceed to inquire of the 3 large men dressed in Carhart insulated coveralls if they could perhaps change a tire and replace 2 studs on our wheel. They look at each other, then back at me, then at Pete and the girls, the 6 seconds of silence are starting to un-nerve me, then one of them says “Yea, I think we can do that.
To be continued…
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